Because I just had this conversation with Sciatrix





Trigger warnings for discussion of sexual violence and victim-blaming.  Respect your triggers, folks.

Things supporters can do to actively make ace spaces more welcoming for ace survivors of sexual violence:

  • Stop saying that asexuals are not victims of sexual violence.  I understand what you’re trying to say, but you’re doing it wrong.
  • Challenge the “indifferent as ace default” narrative.  Some aces are indifferent.  Some are sex-averse.  Neither is more valid than the other.  Do not tell sex-averse aces that they need counseling.
  • Stop saying, “Sex is great even if not all aces want it!”  In my personal experience, sex is VIOLENT, sex is horrible, sex is me terrified to sleep because I might be assaulted again while unconscious.  Do not make blanket statements about sex, because you will almost certainly be wrong.
  • I know it’s important to talk about aces who have and like having sex, but it’s also important to talk about aces who aren’t having sex, who don’t want to have sex, and who hate sex.  Some ace survivors seek out ace spaces specifically because they don’t want to have sex, so being faced with a dozen narratives of aces who enjoy sex or aces who had sex “just to try it” and very few narratives of sex-averse aces can make them feel alienated (especially if they have triggers such that they can’t “just try” sex).
  • Related: Do not imply that all aces are capable of having sex even if they don’t experience sexual attraction.  Do not imply that all aces are willing to have sex even if they don’t experience sexual attraction.  Again, I understand the importance of talking about aces who have and enjoy having sex, but please stop throwing sex-averse aces, survivors of sexual violence, and aces who just genuinely do not want sex under the bus.
  • Do not imply that an ace who was assaulted by an allosexual partner was “asking for it” by entering into such a “risky” relationship.  Do not imply that ace/ace relationships are the only way to be safe from sexual violence.
  • Stop silencing ace survivors.  Our narratives are just as worthy of being voiced as yours.  If you think our narratives will “make the community look bad,” please go sit in the corner.
  • If you see someone harassing an ace survivor, call them out.  If you see someone making a space unwelcoming to ace survivors, call them out.  If you see a survivor unsure whether they are welcome in your space, let them know that they are.
  • If you care about supporting ace survivors (which you should, since we’re, you know, part of your community), please make an active effort to make space for us rather than just piping up when a survivor points out how toxic ace spaces can be.

Thank you so much for this. I’m honestly in tears right now because I’ve tried to say this so. many. times in the past but was always talked over and shut down by not even bigoted allos but OTHER ACES who were too busy white-knighting to listen to sex-repulsed and/or survivor aces talk about our experiences, and eventually I no longer had the energy to engage anymore because the whole thing was verging on gaslighting.

There’s a truly scary number of people in the community who actively refuse to acknowledge that sex-repulsed aces are NOT actually considered “ideal” asexuals, but rather are viewed almost as a dirty secret the community should be ashamed of because we drive home the fact that we’re not actually “just like allos apart from sexual attraction.” And it needs to stop. It needs to fucking stop. I don’t need that shit from my own fucking community, from the place where I go to try and feel SAFE.

I’m having trouble articulating my thoughts beyond this right now, so again: thank you so, so much, from the bottom of my heart.

This is why I cannot perceive huge chunks of the sex-positive movement as anything but allosexist and insensitive as blue fuck to sexual assault survivors. “Sex is inherently natural and healthy!” Oh, bullshit.

But ALL OF THE ABOVE POINTS are immensely important. ALL OF THEM. I’m sick of being told I shouldn’t do asexual vis/ed because I’m repulsed and that looks bad.

I agree with everything above. I’m not a survivor, but the act of sex in relation to myself is extremely triggering of my suicidal ideation and depression, and it is really really hard to feel accepted in the asexual community when I see “aces enjoy sex!” being thrown around all the time (I mean, you could even put a qualifier “some aces”, and it wouldn’t be so bad, but nobody does!)

Ace survivors of sexual violence need our support so badly, and sex-averse aces shouldn’t be ignored for the sake of non-asexual people.

Princess Leia in red / for Zoe


Star Wars | Obi-Wan vs Grievous (Revenge of the Sith novel version)

"He must have been trained by Count Dooku," Mace had said, "so you can expect Makashi as well; given the number of Jedi he has fought and slain, you must expect that he can attack in any style, or all of them. In fact, Obi-Wan, I believe that of all living Jedi, you have the best chance to defeat him."

This pronouncement had startled Obi-Wan, and he had protested. After all, the only form in which he was truly even proficient was Soresu, which was the most common lightsaber form in the Jedi Order. Founded upon the basic deflection principles all Padawans were taught - to enable them to protect themselves from blaster bolts - Soresu was very simple, and so restrained and defense-oriented that it was very nearly downright passive. 

"But surely, Master Windu," Obi-Wan had said, "you, with the power of Vaapad - or Yoda’s mastery of Ataro-"

Mace Windu almost smiled. “I created Vaapad to answer my weakness: it channels my own darkness into a weapon of the light. Master Yoda’s Ataro is also an answer to weakness: the limitations of reach and mobility imposed by his stature and his age. But for you? What weakness does Soresu have?”

Blinking, Obi-Wan had been forced to admit he’d never actually thought of it that way.

"That is so like you, Master Kenobi," the Korun Master had said, shaking his head. "I am called a great swordsman because I invented a lethal style; but who is greater, the creator of a killing form - or the master of the classic form?"

"I’m very flattered that you would consider me a master, but really-"

"Not a master. The master,” Mace had said. “Be who you are, and Grievous will never defeat you.”

- Revenge of the Sith novel, by Matthew Stover

(via stardustingskywalkers)

"Is it true that…" Finish it in my ask box!

(via amxdala)


"Dude, you just ran like 13 miles in 30 minutes."

EVERYBODY SERIOUSLY: if you don’t walk out of this movie theatre planning like a June wedding between yourself and Sam Wilson then I’m really not sure if you were awake for the whole movie.

(via skywalker-amidala)


This is how Anakin and Boba flirt all the time.

(via millenniumfalconteahouse)


Words by Matthew Stover from the Revenge of the Sith novelisation.

(via obiwankenoobi)